Nobody Made You Do Anything…

Everyone is buzzing about Taylor Swift’s new ‘anthem’ and it makes me sick. I typically don’t share what I think when it comes to these sorts of things because we have enough opinions about what’s going on in the world. But it’s hard for me to stay quiet when the world, who rallied against hate a few weeks ago, is now celebrating it – causing her song, video and pre-sales to break records.

And who knows how she really feels because she, among others, know that Revenge Sells…

Now, I am as guilty as the next when it comes to indulging in celeb gossip. I’ve flipped through the pages of “Who Wore it Best?”, clicked the link bait to find out what is happening with Brangelina and have even watched a few talk shows where Hot Topics thrive (and keep us coming back for more).

But when I wake up and the first song in my head is an anthem of hate, something is wrong. Like my mentor, Grammie, always says, “Don’t put in what you have to pray out later.” 

Now my original “rant” was going to be some random Facebook post about how “You know the world is in downward shift when Taylor releases a song about hating her Haters.” But then I realized several of her songs are about how she’s been hurt by people. This one, well, is just more in your face about it. But I don’t think the new Taylor is that much different than the old, now dead, one.

Do I think it’s my place to judge her though? Heck no. Take what you read here with a grain of salt. I am not perfect. And I have been where she’s at right now. Hurt, feeling betrayed, left out, uninvited, when everybody is against you… That kind of paranoia comes from one source and can only be healed with Truth

I am a big proponent for therapy (and not just because I have a Master’s in it). I know some still believe it is a taboo subject but for me, it’s a “have-to” subject. Where I see hurt cycling out of control, I have-to speak up. It’s my responsibility to my own recovery.

But it is not an overnight process. Therapy is a part of a larger journey towards Healing, whether you believe in the Great Healer or not. Without it, I would not be where I’m at today.

So why climb up on my soapbox before I’ve even made my kids breakfast? Because I want to shout from the rooftops (not just to Taylor, but to everyone singing along to this song), “Nobody made you do anything.”

We all have a choice. That is the gift of free-will. Our reactions and responses belong to us, not our Antagonist. Part of healing is taking back that power. And recognizing where you still have a choice when it feels like there’s none. There is a quote I once heard in Al-Anon that came to my mind this morning:

Hurt people, hurt people. That’s how pain patterns get passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion and cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future. -Yehuda Berg / Rabbi, Author

Choosing Love is choosing to Forgive. In therapy, one of the first lessons you learn is that forgiveness is essential. No one loses when you forgive. In a previous post, I talked about forgiving someone so that you could move on and put yourself out of the misery of holding a grudge. If you are struggling with forgiving someone, I am proof that it is possible. Forgiveness is the easiest way to overcome evil. 

So rather than adding to the hate-revenge-pride cycle, what can we do to promote love-forgiveness-humility? Instead of blaming others for our circumstance, how can we take responsibility and move on? If you are reading this from a place of Hate or Hurt, how can I help on your journey towards Healing?

NOTE: As I’ve said in other posts, Abuse is never okay in any circumstance so if you are in a relationship that demonstrates physical or emotional abuse, seek counseling immediately. You can find more information here.


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